A Time of Panic, Patience, and Hair Dye
by CraziiJaney
Summary: What happens when a trapped Riku finds out his trademark is being threatened by a lack of... hair product! Duh duh duh... [slightNamiku]
1. Of Paopu and Spaghetti

'Ello all.

Basically, a couple of weeks ago, (on New Years!) ChibiFrubaGirl and I were talking a had brainstormed an awesome oneshot which involved Riku as the main character...yeah.

Maybe it sounded better in our heads...

Anyway, I was typing this and it turned out to be longer than a typical oneshot so I'll be writing this in chapters.

I promise it'll get better as it goes on. The beginning is NOT that good.

I do NOT own Kingdom Hearts and c'mon, if I did, I would have Riku show up more in the game. WITHOUT that Ansem disguise. Ew.

And I'd be rich.

Love ya.

* * *

It was just an undemanding, comfortable day with no worries at all for Riku, He and the others had come back from their second adventure and Riku was EXAUSTED. 

I mean, it was bad enough that he had to tan himself to death like Ansem but wear that black cloak thingy for days on end? C'mon people, it was ninety degrees out there! Riku figured he lost about ten pounds in water weight while he was "Ansem." (That's sweat, for you weirdos who think it's something _else_.)

So he and the others were at his house, eating fruit and simply enjoying the nice calm day with no worries.

No worries...at...ALL.

Or so he thought.

Sora and Wakka were involved in a paopu eating contest (obviously NOT feeding the other)and as Wakka pushed yet another piece of the succulent fruit into his mouth, Sora shoved one last ripe paopu into his...and promptly ran up the stairs and into the bathroom.

Sighing, Riku tapped jadedly on his black cap which covered his thick mane of silver hair. Kairi followed Sora anxiously and the rest of the group languidly continued to eat. Except for Wakka...who was collapsed on the sapphire colored floor and was wearily sweating paopu.

Yechh.

* * *

"Hey Namine, thanks so much for making dinner for us." 

"Oh, no problem. I love to cook. You know I started to take classes after the dynamic duo over there burnt down the classroom in Home Ec."

"HEY!! That wasn't OUR fault. The...spinach caught on fire..."

Namine smiled at Aerith. Sora and Kairi fumed in the corner of the kitchen while violently peeling carrots on the mahogany kitchen table and continually slicing their hands open. Everyone was still in Riku's house and it was decided that they were staying for dinner.

"Anyway," Namine softly giggled, "I know it's only been a couple of weeks but I can make spaghetti now! And some other stuff..."

Her voice waned. Aerith grinned at her and clapped her hands together.

"But it's so great that you're making something other than...pasta now..." Aerith smiled painstakingly. Namine had been making enough spaghetti to feed Italy for the past week and since she had to maintain her crazy ass skinny waist, she gave it to everyone else on the stupid island.

Basically, she was sick of anything that resembled noodles.

But thankfully, Namine wasn't making noodles today.

The rest of the gang was either in Riku's kitchen or rioting around the house. Riku, Cloud, Leon and Wakka were outside playing some blitzball while Sora, Kairi, Aerith, and Namine were making dinner.

Random crashes of balls colliding into birdbaths and garden gnomes reverberated throughout the house as Sora itched and whined to go outside.

"NO! You're GOING to help make dinner with us... AREN'T you? After you got us into this. _'Oh, I REALLY wish we could help you guys...' _If you want to help, LEAVE me out of it!" Kairi hissed at Sora. She brutally hacked an innocent potato in half while she looked fiercely at a watering eyed Sora.

"Bleargh..." Sora mumbled morosely.


	2. Of Dirt and Doppelgangers

Why, heeellloooooo there! And how are yyoouuu today? Heehee.

I know my first chappie was pretty bad, (icky icky), but I hope this one's ok. Yeah, I'm not a comedy person. My writing style is more suited for the corny drama...not the ironic comedy. If you want that, look toward ChibiFrubaGirl. However, if the rare person out there likes my stories, I'm not writing as much lately because I have about 7 or 8 extracurricular things INCLUDING:

My new favorite to hate: cheerleading.

Orchestra and my contest is coming up. GASPETH!

My long time classical hate: Private Violin Lessons

Battle of the Books: Yes, I am a nerd. AND PROUD OF IT!!

And many others which take up much of my time.

Well, I am _off_ to see Pan's Labyrinth.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any of the characters and really, if I did, Riku would be le star, not Sora.

* * *

All of the guys were done killing themselves in the backyard "playing" ball (More like violently flinging blitzballs at each other...) and declared that they were hungry and scurried into the kitchen, foraging for food. 

"We're not done." Namine stated bluntly to Riku, who was sniffing around her to see what she was making.

"Well, you're not gonna be done by stirring it like _that_. Here, give the spoon to me." He nudged her to the side with his hips and overlapped his fingers over her knuckles. Riku started blending the concoction as Namine blushed profusely.

"Yeah, you gotta start flipping the eggs AFTER they turn firm. Here, let me show you. Where's that apron?"

Soon after, he just began to COOK.

Yes, Riku cooking...

All of the muddy blitzballs tumbled from the boys' hands, their expressions showing muffled laughter, shock, and fear. I mean, c'mon! The so called "emo" man was in a bright PINK LACY APRON.

Of course, Namine was just pushed aside.

Like dirt.

It's nice to be dirt isn't it?

You don't have to do anything.

It's relaxing.

Anyway, back to where Riku's cooking in a pink apron.

Tidus snorted.

"Um, Riku... I didn't know you had such... _rad_ cooking skills." He snickered, turning away from Riku who was slowly turning scarlet as he realized what he was doing...in front of people.

"Shut up, and don't say rad. It's not the 80's." Riku muttered darkly, ripping off the lacy pink apron. He glared menacingly at the spatula he held in his hands and promptly dropped it on the countertop like it was a burning coal. Glowering at the dumbfounded cluster of people, he stomped to the refrigerator, took out a bottle of orange juice and violently slammed it on the mahogany table to drink.

"Well, Riku, since you're a better cook than me, could you help me make dinner then?" Namine inquired. She bent her head slightly in question, seemingly oblivious of the fact that Riku had semi-permanently ruined his emo persona.

Riku sighed glumly and nodded, his hat covering his face. Namine smiled and turned around to put the bottle of bright red sauce away.

Then, she tripped.

And the container of sauce went flying out of her hands right onto the marble floor.

Being the incredible athlete he was, Riku dove for the falling jar and caught it by the very tips of his fingers. He crashed on the cold hard floor as the bottle shattered into tiny pieces along with his ribs.

His face and his clothes were COVERED with the scarlet sauce. Riku rigidly stood up, shook his head slightly and shuddered. He wiped the viscous liquid from his eyes and with gritted teeth, muttered, "I'll be in the shower."

Namine was frozen in horror as all of this happened, her face in a contorted expression resembling a squirrel on the verge of insanity. Lying stomach-down on the floor, she peeked up at Riku and stammered, "I-I...I'm sorry!!!"

He simply turned and stalked away. There's only so much a guy can do covered in a creamy delectable sauce. No wait, scratch that.

Heeheehee.

* * *

"Did it have to get in my frickin' UNDERWEAR?" Riku muttered under his breath as he stripped off each soaked garment from his body. He stretched his sore muscles from the previous brutal round of blitzball while he twisted the grey shower knob until the small bathroom was in a soft misty haze. Each gleaming droplet of water that formed on Riku's body pronounced his lean, toned muscles. 

"Oh, damn it." Riku said. He had forgotten to take off his navy AquaWhales blitzball cap before he had stepped into the shower. He casually flicked it off and threw it on the slick floor.

"I'll get to washing my clothes later..."

30 minutes later...

Riku stepped out from within the shadowing of the florid shower curtains and onto the wet floor of the bathroom. The balmy steam enveloped him and clouded the glass mirror in a peculiar miasma.

Rubbing the remaining warm beads of water from his body, Riku started to work on drying his hair.

He gazed at the cloudy mirror and decidedly brushed the steam away from the frigid mirror with his hand. He frowned slightly at what he saw next.

A garbled form of Riku wiped the water away from the mirror again. He squinted at a glint of bright color in the mirror.

Riku, realizing what it might be, narrowed his eyes at his reflection, as if challenging it to vanish. To no avail, his likeness squinted back at him defiantly.

"..."

**"SON OF A BITCH!!!! THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY THIS IS HAPPENING!!!!!"**

* * *

Meanwhile, Sora and the others were lounging about downstairs. Their dinner was finished and they were uneasily waiting for Riku to finish his shower. 

"You think he'll just stay in his room? You know he's done that once...twice...a couple times..." Kairi asked, her hands ripping apart an ivory-colored napkin. Her legs were fidgeting around the wooden table legs.

"Aw, he'll be fiinnee. You know, I'm the one who got him out of his funk before. And he'll get over it. I hope." Sora smiled widely despite his nervous fiddling with a silver fork. This habit had become exceedingly dangerous for Kairi and their friends as his idea of "fiddling" consisted of dropping it on people's bare feet and throwing it wildly about.

"You know, I don't think Riku- Hey! Watch it! OW! LEON, DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT THING!!!" Tidus hastily evaded the sharp pronged object from piercing his face. Upon doing so, he hit his head on the hard edge of the table.

"Yeah. Sora, c'mon, give me the fork. "

"No."

"C'mon Sora..."

"No."

"Give it to me."

"My fork."

"Just give me the damn fork Sora."

"No."

The older of the two sighed heavily and started to walk away. Kairi looked at him inquiringly; Leon simply shook his head and ambled into the living room to get away from the insanity within. He saw Cloud beckon him with a nod as if he seemed to say, "Join the club."

SLAM!

"Sora, just stop flinging that at-" Kairi started to berate Sora but was cut off by a shrill scream followed by various curses ranging in severity.

"SON OF A BITCH! THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY THIS IS HAPPENING!!!"

Everyone flinched or jolted at least a foot from their chairs.

"What was that?" Cloud questioned indolently from the living room.

"I think th-that was Riku!" Namine whispered from the floor where she fell off of her chair. Her pencils were strewn all over the tiled kitchen floor, sketchbook open to a draft of a yawning Riku, his heavy-lidded aquamarine eyes glancing at his side.

Sora narrowed his eyes, a maniacal glint in the pools of cobalt.

"..."

Everyone held their breath, flinching. The soft rustling of Sora's hair was the only resonance within the hushed room.

"I'LL SAVE YOU RIKU!!!!" He exclaimed triumphantly, fork out in front of his chest. He scrambled up the stairs with a crowd behind him, some worrying about Riku; some were interested why the stream of extremely vociferous curses from emerging from him, however, all were screaming at Sora to stop avidly flailing his silver fork of death about.

* * *

"Damn it..." The teenager muttered hoarsely, winded from his lengthy torrent of profanities. Riku sighed sullenly and wiped the last of the moisture from his body. 

_Thud thud thud_.

He looked up vigilantly and realized what was happening pretty quickly for a guy who had just screamed his head off the last five minutes.

_Thud thud thud._

'Crap!' He shrieked within his head. Riku was completely naked except for a small fluffy hand towel, and seeing how these things turn out, he was pretty sure Sora would knock the door down.


	3. Of The Blueness and Herbal Essence

**Author's Note: **Hello all! I _finally_ updated "A Time of Panic, Patience, and Hair Dye." I decided that I should probably get back on my writing feet on this story. Yayness!

**Disclaimer:** Do we have any BBQ sauce?

* * *

"Sora, ssstttooopppp!" Cloud bellowed. He sprinted up the creaking stairs and bounded dramatically toward a maniacal Sora until he was juxtapose to the brunette. Using his almost forgotten skills of football from his quixotic high school years, he POUNCED! 

Yes, pounced.

Such a funny little word. C'mon, try saying it ten times.

Weird, huh?

Back on the matter at hand, Cloud had POUNCED atop Sora and managed to land upon his ankles, just barely halting Sora from smashing open the brittle wooden door.

But he was still able to open the door.

**"AHHHHHHH!!!!"**

**"AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!"**

"AHHHHH- ...Oh wow..." Kairi slightly angled her head to the right, struggling not to laugh as Sora and the others bore looks on their faces that resembled a constipated gorilla.

Riku had apparently torn off the thin periwinkle shower curtain and had draped it around his body like a toga whilst the white hand towel was swathed about his dripping head.

Now how did he manage to do this all in a matter of seconds? The answer is simple.

Of course, in the midst of this chaos, Riku had the mind-blowing revelation to wrap the hand-towel around his head with one hand while ripping off the curtain with the other to drape about him...all in a matter of five seconds. However, he forgot to do the one thing that could have prevented all of this: lock the door.

But hey, if he could handle the "Way to Dawn," he could deal with a situation like this.

Although, with the minor exception of looking like a drunken college kid at a toga party who lost his toga. One word: hilarious.

"G-GET OUT!! OUT!!!" He bellowed; face turning a bright scarlet red, much resembling the tomato sauce he had on him earlier. Selphie, Sora, Kairi, Cloud, Leon and the others all closed their open mouths but continually stared.

**"OUT!"**

It was only until Riku began to throw various bottles of Herbal Essence shampoo and conditioner at them that the others did leave and a disappointed Sora take his fork back with him.

- - -

"What was wrong with Riku?" Namine questioned a bewildered Tidus while sketching, "What did you see up there?" He opened his mouth, paused, and opened it again as if to talk. It was then, however, that Riku came down the stairs and settled down on the couch behind them.

"Hey, get out of the way. I wanna see this." He said, picking up the remote to the TV. They shuffled their chairs aside and stared uncertainly at Riku. Tidus narrowed his eyes in question of Riku, and then walked over to where he was lounging leisurely.

"Riku, why do you still have your hat on?" He asked. Indeed, the boy did still have his cap to cover his starlight colored hair.

His SOAKING WET starlight hair.

"No reason, why?" He answered nonchalantly.

"Oh well, I just wanted to try it on, you know? I like the...blueness." Tidus replied. Namine never knew how much of a bad liar Tidus was until now.

"-and...yeah...th-the curve's pretty cool, you know? I mean, it really makes a good shade for your eyebrows!"

Riku raised his shaded eyebrows and gave Tidus a withering yet also inquiring look.

"You want my hat...because of the good shade it makes for your eyebrows?" He replied sardonically. Tidus nervously laughed and scratched his head.

Namine once again stared, asking herself, '_And...__**why**__ was he doing this?' _

"Yup, yeah, mmhmm. Exactly the reason why. Couldn't have said it better myself." As much of a flirt and smooth talker Tidus seemed to be, he had no dexterity whatsoever in lying.

Right then, Leon (who had been watching this skeptically from the distance) sauntered over, retorted, "Oh, for the love of God," and grabbed Riku's hat.

"NOOO!!!" Riku shrieked, grabbed the top of his hair with an uproarious contorted look on his face and scrambled to get his hat back. Tidus and Leon leaned back in bewilderment and managed to trip backwards.When they gpt back up in a manner of seconds, they blinked.

"..."

"Hey, Namine?"

"Hmmm?" (In the midst of all of this, she had decided to stay out of this, had her back against the boys and was drawing, not paying attention to the commotion.)

"What happened to Riku?"

* * *

**Author's Note: **

Me: "Why hello, Axel!"

Axel: "Hello darling, I just wanted to ask, WHY AM I NOT IN THIS FANFIC?" -grabs authoress by the collar-

Me: "...didn't you die in KH II?"

Axel: "It's AU, moron! AU!!!"

Me: "Uh, -coughcough- I don't think so. They just came back from their little adventure. -puts on glasses- If you read here in chapter one, it says so right here."

Axel: "..."

Me: "..."

Axel: "I am so not a drama queen."

- - -

Thus, Axel left the authoress's room, stopped harassing her for more parts in her fanfics, and inquired to the world, "GIVE HER MORE REVIEWS!!!," in hope for more fanfics produced by the authoress.

In which he hoped to garner more roles.

Such is the life of a minor character. (In the authoress's eyes.)


End file.
